Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Top 5 Reasons Why You're Alone

 

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1. You were in a long-term relationship:

Being in a long-term relationship is much different than dating. If your long-term relationship ends, there is a lot more to deal with than if you'd only been dating for a few months. Take a 10-year relationship that's ended, for example: there's 10 years of good memories, bad memories, lost commitments, joy, hurt - you name it - to try to deal with.
Assumedly, if you were in a 10-year relationship, the person you were with knew you well - your likes, dislikes, your quirks, your friends, family, hopes, dreams, etc. You probably knew each other so well that it was like you had your own secret language. Even if the relationship ended badly, that's a lot to try to replace! It's no wonder that single people with long-term relationships in their past seem to stay single. Whether it makes sense to them or not, they just can't seem to find someone who can replace what they once had whether what they had was good or not. The key here is that they will never be able to find a direct replacement but they can find someone new who is equally if not more worthwhile and hopefully a better match. It takes time, openness and commitment to build another long-term relationship from scratch and it can be scary and overwhelming.

2. You're shy and/or not very outgoing:

Whether we like it or not, people who are outgoing tend to get noticed and that includes getting noticed by the opposite sex. Where does that leave shy single people? We're just not that likely to get noticed if we don't make eye contact with others and make a point of trying to get to know them. It's a sad fact, but true. And being shy is at least 50% genetic so there's only so much we can do to overcome this. The good news is that there are lots of shy single people out there -- admittedly, the hard part is hooking up (assuming you even want to be with another shy person if you're shy yourself) but it happens, so don't despair.

3. You live in a small town or village

Let's just play the numbers game here. Imagine you live in a small town of 3000 people and you're a woman. You're looking for a man, so you're down to 1500 to choose from except that 75% of them are taken so that leaves you with 375. Out of those 375, let's say 15% of them fall within an appropriate age range of you which brings you down to about 57. Out of those 57, you're sure not going to be compatible with all of them; there may be a few you're compatible with but how are you going to find them? Just because you live in the same town doesn't mean that you're going to bump into each other on the sidewalk or at the grocery store. Of course, these are completely made up statistics but are generally what you're dealing with in small towns. If you want more dating options, you'll have to move to the big city.

 4. You've been single a long time and are set in your ways

The longer you live as a single person, the more independent and self-sufficient you're forced to become. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, if taken to the extreme, it can hinder your efforts to find a mate. If you're used to doing everything yourself and for yourself only, it may be very difficult to let someone else into your life even though you may crave that closeness. Unfortunately, this becomes more and more true as we get older. I'm pretty set in my ways myself and all I can hope for is that if the right one does come along, that I will let him break through my wall of independence that I have created.

 5. You're just too picky

Yes, we all want to have a Brad Pitt or Megan Fox type hanging off our arms but it's just not going to happen. Even if we don't want that, we have a list in our minds of traits that our future soulmate must possess and sometimes that list can be rather long, perhaps too long. While nobody wants to "settle", you might want to ask yourself if everything on your list is really that important. Does it matter that much how tall the person is? How much money they make? What color hair they have? It might be worth relaxing some of your standards and seeing what kind of results you get. Remember, nobody is perfect.

source : http://purpleone.hubpages.com

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